tap dancing..

Thanks to everyone who came along to my tap concert on the weekend - really really appreciate it!! and for those interested i've attached a couple of photos for you :)

This is me and my co-tap dancing buddies, in our polka costumes!!

Next photo is my Marilyn costume!! hehehe - such silly times.. but sooo fun!! we did a dance to a song from Gentlemen prefer Blondes..

And my finale costume.. theme was trailer trash.. hence the pregnant belly, wedding veil, and it's not in this photo, but a cigarette as well!! I thought that my tummy looked pretty obvious, that I was meant to look pregnant, and I surprisingly had a few people ask when my baby was due!!! But my friend, just thought that the red dress was unflattering!! Lil hurt by that!!

breakthrough..

know i've done a bit of posting today.. but one last thing..

about 5-6 weeks ago, i had another nightmare.. it was terrifying.. and i woke up in the middle of the night, with the memory of the dream still so vivid, and still feeling so real... the feelings i feel in my dreams, continue on in no matter that i've woken and have escaped.. so i woke in the middle of the night, and sounds stupid.. but so convinced that someone was really close, looking through the windows.. and i said in my head " in the name of jesus christ, be gone" and.. as soon as i "said" those words.. that feeling of terror, disappeared.. have experienced nothing like it before.. straight away!! like a click of the fingers - gone.. then i knew the next step was to turn on the lamp next to me.. something in me said "no, don't turn on the light, then they'll know that you're awake and attack" (lol- stupid, unreasonable fears that i have, of Mr x peering through my curtains!! all from carmen chan being abducted from her bedroom when i was the same age as her..) so i turned on the light.. went back to sleep.. and have not had a nightmare since..

africa..

am thinking of going to africa for 4-6 weeks next december.. here's the story behind it..

near the start of the year, about March, I started praying about 2006.. bout where god wanted me to go.. what i was going to do with the year etc.. i've always been someone who has never, ever wanted to go overseas.. HATE aeroplanes sooo much!! and i think just the thought of going to a different country freaks me out.. rather then excites me!! so anytime anyone has ever asked me to go overseas, or if i would like to go overseas, my answer has always been the same.. " no.. i've just never had that passion.. would rather explore australia.. well explore the tropical islands and resorts in northern australia!!" so in march of this year.. i realised that I was the one who had shut the door to going overseas.. so i prayed bout it, and said to God that I didn't want to be the one in charge of whether the door was open or shut.. hehe-if you think bout it as a door - i seriously had both hands clasped tightly around the doorknob, my feet against the bottom of the door, and my whole body weight pulling against the door - no way even letting that door open slightly.. so i let go of the door..

that weekend, my senior minister randomly came up to me after church, and by random - i mean random!! he'd been at my church 2 and a bit years, and this was the 2nd time we had spoken!! he comes up to me and says (i'm paraphrasing by the way) "you should come with me to india next year" blew my mind.. as soon as i had let go of that door.. someone speaks to me about doing overseas mission..

so i prayed about it for ages... and spoke to a few people about it.. most people were really positive about it.. and someone from another church even said to me "umm.. hello!! if your senior minister wants you to go with him- then i think it's pretty clear. what an awesome oppurtunity" so i started telling ppl that i was going to india.. but was really weird.. cos i'd never had any passion for India, and i would even tell ppl that i wasn't passionate bout india!! then a few weeks later.. i didn't go to church in the morning, instead I stayed home and watched the christian channel.. they had a doco on africa.. and my heart honestly did a god-leap.. i started crying, i was just so moved and just could see the huge need in regards to the AIDS epidemic in africa.. and i realised, that for some reason, that a part of my heart belongs to the african children.. whether it be on oprah, a doco, or even studying the aids epidemic in pharmacology at uni, that it always brings tears to my eyes.. that i def had a passion for africa, and that I had for so long..and sooo not at all for india.. and during that morning, i realised i should be going to africa.. not india.. and it just felt so right.. so i made my decision that sunday morning.. that i wanted to be a volunteer in an aids orphange in africa.. incidentally.. it was on the same morning as my church found out that the senior minister had been sacked..

so that's been a lil of my "mission journey" at the moment trying to find out infomation about different orphanages and organisations in africa.. been looking at doors of hope website.. looks so scary.. but good as well.. will keep you updated..

conversations..

guess who's back? back again? sarah's back.. tell a friend!

hehe - hope you liked my musical entrance!

was out the other night at a friend's engagement.. was a really nice night, and the couple are such a fantastic down to earth couple, and was just so nice to be there with them as they celebrate.. but i didn't know many people, which i sometimes find a little not too sure of how to act, and a lil uncomfortable (a good uncomfortableness tho!!).. so when in situations like that, i tend to sit back and listen to conversations.. not eavesdrop - lol - i don't sit in the bushes trying to hear as many conversations as possible!! i kinda participate, but mainly just listen to what others have to say.. and i have to say - i really enjoyed that on friday night.. was so refreshing to be around passionate people, and passionate people who weren't just on about their own cause, but I could tell they were genuine people, with huge hearts, just wading through and exploring different life and faith issues.. and people who weren't about shoving what they believe down other people's throats, but people who would also stick up very strongly for what they believe - such a good balance..

anyways - what's the point of what i'm saying?? i guess it's that as a result of these conversations i felt so many different emotions - mainly inspiration.. and i don't use that word lightly!! inspired to be more genuine in my faith, and to think outside the box a little in my faith.. to not just do certain ministries just cos that's what people have always done.. but to search out, find a need, find what makes your heart do a God-leap (hehe - I think, unless people have used it before, i just made up that phrase!!) and then base your ministry around that.. don't really like using the word ministry - sounds too.. hmm.. dunno how to describe it.. but too much like "well... MY ministry is.." just feel like it takes the focus away from God.. maybe put your passion, time and life into that God leap..

also felt inspired to be a more genuine and transparent person.. felt inspired to try and spend some more time around these kind of people.. people who inspire, encourage, love while still challenging and keeping accountable, rather than people who just drain you..

anyways, think i may have blabbed on enough!! no idea if i'm making any sense.. will probably read this post tomorrow and delete large chunks!!

I am still here..

hi people :) just to let you know that i still do exist.. and i have a few blogs splashing bout in my mind.. but have been away for the last week on a camp, and the week before that was madly preparing.. will blog sometime this week!! sorry it's been so quiet lately :)

cool story..

a v good friend of mine sent this to me the other day.. really love the analogy..

hope you enjoy it as well!!

One day I decided to quit...
One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality...
I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
"When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo."
He said."In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo see.I would not quit."
He said."Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive.I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?"
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you."
"Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful."
"Your time will come", God said to me. "You will rise high"
"How high should I rise?" I asked.
"How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can?" I questioned.
"Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can."

I left the forest bringing back this story.I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.HE will never give up on you!

donuts..

on a completely different topic.. here's a lil snippet of my journey with trying my hardest to eat properley and exercise all so that i can feel "non-yuck".. it is soooo hard.. drinking green tea after every meal, cutting out dairy and drinking soy-milk.. exercising 4 times a week and doing strength exercises twice.. been doing it for a while, but no results as yet.. and i am sooo over it.. and one of the reasons i am over it?? (and probly the biggest reason why my weight is not changing) here's a photo..

donuts.. i know that we don't get krispy kremes in melbourne, but coles have just released a new product called vanilla glazed donuts.. and they are sooo yummy, and look and taste almost the same as the original krispy kremes.. soooo yum, yet soooo bad!! i'm determined to stay strong!!

struggles..

here's what's been on my mind lately...

where is God when you cry out for healing, and nothing seems to happen... and i'm not talking bout physical healing (altho - that's still a v good qn..) but about spiritual healing.. am going thru a lil bit of a tough time in regards to this.. feel that only God can provide this healing and break the bondage.. but yet, after praying about it, and having others pray over me and for me, reading books and attending a course.. i am still not free..

what does this mean?? does this mean that i am displeasing God in some way? is this god punishing me for something? that's where my mind automatically goes to, but i know that this is not true.. yet the question still remains "why am i not receiving healing.."

it's hard to know.. i just gotta keep perserving, and believing that God can heal me.. two nites ago tho, i was so over it.. i literally cried my heart out to God, all the forgotedness (hehe- think i made up that word!) that I feel from God, I laid it all b4 him..laid all the anger I feel at God that I am still having to battle through this, even tho i feel like i don't deserve it.. i laid before him the frustration i feel that noone understands and that noone can help.. pretty much, i told God everything that i was feeling..

even just writing all this down, helps me feel a lil bit released from it .. and since i called this blog "sarah's journey's" i thought it was only natural to write what i'm journeying through at this time.. looking forward to when i can look back on this post and testify to the great work of God's power and healing..

and what I'm struggling with?? sounds so childish.. but horribly graphic and terrifying nightmares.. and for how long have i been struggling with this? 4 years.. and that right there, that amount of time, is the reason why I'm desperate for healing..

a verse that is encouraging me..

"The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold." Psalm 18:2'

beautiful imagery..

had a prayer/worship night at church last nite... was sooo good.. just to be still for 2 hours, and spend time with God worshipping, praying and seeking guidance..

there was about 15 of us, so was so intimate - the lights were out, and we just had some candles lit, and a worship cd played.. we could sing, or lie flat on our face, dance, kneel, read the bible, draw, write.. whatever we wanted.. was sooo freeing.. (and as a side note - freezing as well!!)

there was a girl there who shared the following with all of us there..

we are all on a path.. and there is candle that lights the path for us.. however this candle only lets us see a lil bit in front of us.. we can never see the whole path or see where exactly we are being lead.. but if we didn't have this candle, we would be lost.. we would stray from this path..

now unfortantly, my memory is not always the best.. and i def did not re-write what the girl shared as poetically as she did, or in as much depth.. i will try to get my hands on a copy of what she shared/wrote down for you.. but not only did i find this analogy to be so powerful, and so comforting.. i was also pleasantly surprised at how God can talk to any of us.. the girl that shared that with us, has only just started going to church.. she had a catholic schooling background, and had started attending some of our morning services.. b/c she couldn't make the morning service yesterday, she decided to come to the evening one.. and as i wrote just above, we were doing our service in a way that wasn't bound by structure..i was so amazed, and loved, what she shared.. that our God is a God who speaks to all who will listen.. doesn't matter where they are on in their respective "journey's" but more importantly... it's about a person's heart, and their willingness to hear from god..

And so begins my posting..

wow.. so this is what it's like to post for the first time??

thought i mite start with why i'm doing this for..

just want a place to share what i mite be going through, or have gone through in the past and also a place to just crap on!!

hehe- and my journey begins now...